


Gray Hairs

by lexieconextreme



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Edward is giving Roy gray hairs, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, I marked it as tragedy on FFnet cause I guess I was trying to be funny, I'm really terrible at being funny, Royai if you squint, Tragedy, We all know it, snarkiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20837492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexieconextreme/pseuds/lexieconextreme
Summary: Roy is going gray around the edges, and there's no way Ed is gonna let it go.





	Gray Hairs

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another repost from FFnet. Y'all are tired, I know. Enjoy, anyway.

The door to Mustang’s office banged open, and Roy almost slumped into his chair with trepidation. 

“Yo, Colonel Bastard!” The young, impetuous State Alchemist stood before Roy’s desk with a nasty look on his face, with an even nastier-looking report in his automail hand.

Roy scrubbed his ungloved hand through his hair, doing his utmost not to appear as exhausted as he felt. The kid would only mock him further for any faults he saw.

“Ah, Fullmetal,” he said, straightening his face into a smooth smirk, as if he hadn’t a care in the world. “Late as usual, I see. Too short to see the clock, I should think.”

Edward’s face turned a nasty, angry shade of red before slamming his automail hand onto Roy’s desk, along with the report of his latest mission. What was amusing was that Ed hadn’t reacted in any way other than the angry blush.

Mustang reached forward and lifted the packet off the table and shuffled through the pages. “What, Fullmetal, is your vocabulary so small that it finally crapped out on you?”

Again, there was no response, and Roy looked up from the report in wonderment. Two short jokes in a row, and still no response? Something wasn’t right there...

Instead of a teen who was supposedly too angry to speak, as Roy had expected, he found a fascinated-looking Edward leaning over the desk to stare at him.

Roy blinked owlishly, rightfully confused as the teen continued to examine him with a steadily growing smirk on his face.

Finally, Roy grew impatient and he snapped. Not physically, of course. He wasn’t quite  _ that  _ irritated. 

“What the hell, Fullmetal?” He asked waspishly. Edward backed away, starting to laugh. He settled on the couch, giving Roy the smuggest look he’d ever seen on the teen’s face.

“Been really stressed lately, Colonel?” Ed asked, a delighted smile crossing his face. “You know, late nights, dealing with political competitors, added, of course, to the already strenuous duties of a full-bird Colonel of the Amestrian Military, and a State Alchemist to boot. I bet you have been.”

All of this was said with the utmost tone of consideration, with an underlying current of mockery. 

Roy frowned, glaring at his youngest subordination. “What the hell are you even trying to get at, Fullmetal?”

Ed grinned, then stood again. He had walked right up to Roy’s desk, leaned over it and put his hand right up to Roy’s face before the older soldier could even react. 

Roy jerked away in surprise, feeling a small prick in the side of his head, right above his left ear. “Ow! What the hell?” He demanded, slapping his hand to his ear.

All the while, Ed still grinned, holding up the two hairs he’d yanked out of Roy’s head.

He laid them against the dark wood of Roy’s desk, and Roy leaned closer to look at them, careful not to breathe to hard.

Suspended in the air, they would have looked like regular hairs. It was harder to distinguish color in free air. Now, laid against the dark mahogany of Roy’s desk, the real color was quite obvious.

Edward began to laugh loudly, and Roy just stared at him. Finally, he managed to collect his thoughts. He looked up at Ed coolly. “I really don’t see what’s so funny, Fullmetal.”

“What are you, kidding?” Ed sniggered. “You’re goin’ gray, old man!”

“Only because I have you to deal with,” Roy snapped. “Before I met your bothersome acquaintance, I was perfectly fine!”

Ed looked at him, face almost straight. “Is that supposed to bother me, bastard? Because in fact, it fills me with copious amounts of joy.”

Roy stood, pointing at the door. “Get outta here!”

Ed waved his hand, still laughing. “Fine, fine. See ya later, old man. Or maybe not. The next time I come back, it’ll be to put you in a pine box six feet under.” And with that, he was gone.

Roy stared unhappily at the little hairs that lay so mockingly on his desk for a moment before swiping them off his desk and onto the ground.

“What bull,” he muttered, turning back to his paperwork. He could only hope that this would not inhibit his escapades with all the pretty ladies.

_ ~fin~ _

**BONUS**

It was six o’clock, time to go home. Outside the office door, Roy could hear the loud sounds of his subordinates leaving for the day, though he wasn’t really focusing on them.

Instead, he was staring at his reflection in a small hand mirror he’d found buried deep in his bottom drawer, turning his head this way and that to discover the extent of the damage.

The gray seemed to start at his sideburns, extending a few inches underneath the fringe of his hair and behind his ears. It wasn’t a lot, but it was just enough to be noticeable.

Roy groaned, dropping the mirror onto the desk and burrowing his head in the crook of his arm. 

Fullmetal really was a pain in the ass, for multiple reasons.

The main one was doing this to him in the first place.

Roy picked up the mirror again, examining his image with a grimace. The door opened, and Hawkeye stepped through, probably on her way to collect the paperwork that had been finished for the day.

She simply stared at him for a moment, chocolate brown eyes amused, though not maliciously so. The Lieutenant picked up the stack of paper in the outbox, usually stoic face changed with the quirk of a smile.

Halfway back to the door with her load, she paused and turned back. Roy looked at her in confusion. “Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Not that it means anything, sir,” Roy could hear the smile in her voice, even if he couldn’t see it. “But don’t listen to Edward. I think the gray makes you look very distinguished.”

With that, Hawkeye made her exit. Roy picked up the mirror again, examining his image, this time not looking quite so close. He smirked slightly.

“Distinguished, huh?”

_ ~actual fin this time~ _


End file.
